Feeding before F*cking

Take my advice.  If you want to successfully date in a stress-free way, you need a fuck buddy (FB).  The person who you like well enough as a friend, but who you are 100% sure that you never want to seriously date.  You have fun with them, you're comfortable with them, but you're not going to be sitting on neighboring rocking chairs in your twilight years, if you know what I mean.  It's the person you make plans with late at night, or randomly on a weekend afternoon, with the MUTUAL understanding that it's 75% physical and 25% friendship and 0% relationship.

Now, there are 2 kinds of FB's that fit into this plan.  For starters, there's the purely physical FB.  The PPFB is someone that you can't actually remember having a substantive conversation with, but you do have a lot of random sex.  They're someone that generally lives in a convenient location to your job/home/where you go out until 3 am and seem to be generally available (or will cancel plans at the promise of sex) via text message.  You've probably never had a phone conversation with the PPFB beyond "my place, 20 minutes?" and in fact that is infrequent because it is usually 3 am, you are usually deciding whether to take the 45 min subway ride home or go to their conveniently located apartment, and you make this decision thru the "r u at home? want company?" text msg sent prior to leaving the bar.  The PPFB is awesome for what they are - a late night distraction.  You probably never want to see them in public, and if you did, you probably wouldn't recognize them, or know their last name.  You're also about 75% sure of how you met, and they may or may not be 23 years old. 



Then there's the other FB - the sort-of-a-friend-but-not-really FB.  The SOAFBNRFB usually starts with a friendship which one day evolves into something drunk and naked.  This is generally followed by the crucial decision - do I cut my losses, try not to be a cheap slut, and actually try to date the SOAFBNRFB, or do I realize that this is never going to work out anyway and just keep things the way they are.  Once you've made your decision to choose the latter option, it does get quite interesting.  The SOAFBNRFB might very well tell you about other girls he's dating (I mean, you ARE friends...sort of), but at the end of the night ends up in bed with you.  You go on "sort of" dates, aka "feeding before fucking," which are generally a lot of fun for several reasons: (1) you ARE friends...sort of; (2) you have some things in common...sort of; (3) the SOAFBNRFB will generally pay for dinner, since he doesn't want to be a dbag (even if he won't / can't commit - not that you want him to); and - the crucial factor - (4) there's no pressure!  There is guaranteed sex following this "date," and no need to play games like you "have to get up early" when all you really want to do is get naked.  Plus, there is the added bonus of not having to stay over if you don't want to, which is great since the SOAFBNRFB generally falls within the mid-week date category. 

Granted, from my perspective, if I actually meet someone awesome and start dating them on the pathway to living happily ever after and all that jazz, the FB's fall by the wayside.  The PPFB is generally forgotten once you've closed the door to their 3rd floor walkup apartment / swanky doorman building (they come in all shapes & sizes) for the last time, but the SOAFBNRFB usually sticks around for a bit until you realize that you're really NOT friends, and the whole "friendship" that you sort of kept going was really premised on entertaining each other until it was time to get naked.  You'll see them at the occasional mutual friend's wedding, and it won't be awkward because if it works out right, no one cares anyway.  Harsh, but essential.