No excuses, just results.

Greg Behrendt, unintentional relationship guru, wrote a tough love relationship book which had thousands of women saying things like "this guy is full of crap" and "he doesn't know what MY situation is - obviously the guy who has not called me back for 6 weeks is either busy/out of the country/lost my number/dead." However, after many, many unsuccessful dates in the last year, I'm taking it to the next level and giving Greg's theory a shot, combined with my new and improved dating rules for 2010. So either it works, or he's just not that into me. I'm assuming it can only get more amusing from here.

A brief rundown on the classic first dates that I've been on in the last year:



BK Guy #1: Met him online (common theme for a lot of my dates). Hilarious over email. Cute enough in photos. Good job, lives in my 'hood. What could go wrong, right? Answer: EVERYTHING. I got off the subway that evening to meet him at the bar near our apartments, and said to myself "I hope that totally dorky guy who sort of resembles BK Guy #1 isn't actually BK Guy #1." Yep, one and the same. Strike one. Sit down, order drinks, and he proceeds to stare at me silently for a full 30 seconds. Where is that witty banter that was present over email? WHY did I not insist on a pre-date phone call? After only one glass of wine, I could not keep up the one-sided conversation anymore. I pulled the "must get up early to go to work" excuse and bailed. Told him I was busy until November. This date was in September. Conclusion: I'm just not that into him.

BK Guy #2: Another online winner. Met at local wine bar, all seemed to be going pretty well. After my first glass I thought "this guy is so full of himself, I must escape immediately." However, in sticking with my "2 drink" rule, I decided to tough it out for a second drink. After that, told him I had to go home & get up early, went to the ladies room to find that he ordered another round AND food. After sitting thru another hour of why he was so great b/c he's a med student ("i'm gong to be a doctor, I'm smarter than everyone else") and why he was living in BK because it was cheap ("just b/c I'm going to be a doctor doesn't mean i have money now and women don't get it"), he stuck me with the check and then texted me the next morning to ask if I had spoken to my therapist about him yet. (note - i don't have a therapist, so this was even odder). I never wrote back.
Conclusion: I'm just not that into him, and I hope to never end up as his patient. Or his therapist.

BK Meat-up Guy: Yes, "meat" up. Think speed dating for drunk hipsters. I went with a single girlfriend, we hit it off with a pair of cute dudes by the end of the night. This ended with a 3-date fiesta. Date #1: eve of Xmas eve, freezing night, super awesome A+ date. Drinks, dinner, plenty to talk about. Sweet! He leaves to "head home for the holidays" and will be "away thru New Year's," but wants to see me when he gets back. Apparently, the text message function does not work on his phone once it leaves the NYC area. Nor does the phone function. However, just as I'm giving up hope, we have date #2 scheduled for right after New Year's. Another awesome date. I'm psyched, this one doesn't suck. Date #3 ends in my apartment, followed by brunch the next day. We take the subway home, and the last I've seen of him was as the subway doors closed and the train slowly pulled away. I didn't understand! You like me! You wanted to go on three dates with me! You didn't even try to sleep with me! We're facebook friends! I'm going to call you every day! Where the heck did you go??
Conclusion: He's just not that into me (but it took me 2 weeks of un-returned calls, emails & texts to realize this).

So now we begin the dating project. It's a no-nonsense, rule-intensive dating fiesta, and it's either going to work, or I'll be...in the exact same place I am right now. No excuses, just results.