The Rules, Technology Addition

My basic 2010 Rules of Dating need some tweaking for the wonders of technology.  Does a text count the same as a call?  What about an email?  Can you facebook friend them?  So here's the rundown:

8.  Do not Facebook friend them.  I've made this mistake before.  "Oh, my profile is private, so he'll never be able to find me, and I really want to be able to look at all his pictures so we NEED to be FB friends!"  No, actually, you don't.  He doesn't need to see the 45 pics from last summer where you and your girlfriends were doing tequila shots on the beach.  Nor do you need to spend 3 hours of your workday clicking between pics of him with his ex-gf, obsessing over what she looks like, how you compare with her, and, judging by the date the pictures were posted, whether he's still into her.   This is giving him constant access to everything you are doing (if you're a regular facebook-er), and the mystery is gone.  Plus if things go south, your only defense against his popping into your head every day via "status updates" is either to hide him or defriend him.  Just don't do it.



9.  A text is not a call, nor is an email.  I spent almost an entire year "dating" a guy (yes, "dating") who I spoke to on the phone a total of less than 10 times, and at least 5 of those times were post-second-official breakup.  Anyone who will not pick up the phone and actually SPEAK to you is not that into you.  Granted, there are exceptions (the quick "running late" or "does 6:30 work?" or "at the back table near the door" texts are totally acceptable).  The "I met you online, we exchanged half a dozen emails, then you gave me your number but instead of calling you to ask you out I'll just take the easy way and text you 'free friday?'" text is not acceptable.  Nor is the "we've dated for 8 months but I will never, ever call you" relationship.  Set your patterns, set them early.  Which also leads to...

10.  Phone dates are NOT optional.  This really only applies to dates of the blind date / set-up / online date category, and not to the guy you met in the bar who asked for your number (although, depending on how many drinks in that was, it might apply there too....).  You don't want to get stuck in the awful realm of super hilarious online personality turns into conversationally-challenged hermit when you get to the bar and order your first drink.  As my dude friend put it:"I'd be all into a really witty profile. And then I'd meet them somewhere and it's dead silence. Like... You must have a really awesome diary, miss. But I'm not going to sit here and mumble about my job all night."  I couldn't have said it better myself.

11. Online dating = 80% d-bags, 20% guys that are actually looking for a date.  Once I learned this, I stopped feeling rejected and loser-ish whenever a guy stopped emailing me on a dating website.  Of the 80% d-bag population, maybe 10% think they're actually looking for long-term dating, but they're too lazy to follow thru with it.  The other 70% are looking for (1) random sex; (2) 5 minutes of internet entertainment while watching TV; (3) random sex, and did I mention (4) random sex?  They might not REALIZE this, but it's the truth.  If they really want to date someone, they'll keep emailing you.  Or actually call you.  Or - shock! - meet you in person.  The impersonal nature of the internet can get your hopes up b/c it's like a candy store of people to email that you *think* are looking for a serious relationship (he DID check the "long-term dating" option!  how should I know?).  If you assume that 80% of the people you exchange more than one email with are going to fizzle out in some d-bag-esque way at some point along the road, you'll be disappointed a LOT less often.