My many rules of dating tell me that desperation, in the form of "I'm free whenever you are free," is decidedly not sexy. And, I hate to say it, but it's true. Although sometimes it's nice to feel sought after (as in, of COURSE I'm going to email him right now as soon as he emailed me - doesn't that show I like him?!), in the long run it's really kind of scary.
Case in point - decent guy emails me from a dating website a few days ago. I looked at his profile, thought about writing back, then went and ran a half marathon in pouring rain on Sunday which pretty much zonked me out for the rest of the day. To put it succinctly, drinking beer on the couch was my #1 priority, and responding to emails that required brain capacity was somewhere down below cleaning the apartment. I really WAS going to write back - he was cute and funny! Then, fast forward to Monday, when I get a second email from him, saying that he really liked my online profile (how original) but he guesses that I didn't like his because I didn't write back. Ouch. Now I feel (1) guilty and (2) like you didn't get enough love as a child. However, due to the fact that I had a craptastic day yesterday, I was home by 6 pm with nothing to do but watch trash TV and respond to a lot of emails that had been sitting in my virtual pile of calling cards, including this one. He responds 15 minutes later, informing me that he was in a KINKO'S in Union Square (he lives in BK) because when he saw my email pop up on his phone he wanted to make sure to respond promptly and give it the true attention that it deserved (aka, replying on a computer and not a phone).
Now, while I appreciate that 160 characters about my personality + 3 or 4 pictures online could inspire such deep devotion in a person, I am slightly scared for his sanity. This smells like something, and that something is desperation. Oh, and it's not sexy. I get it.
4.27.2010
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This is easy. At least he will not be a d-bag for he at least generally wants to be with you. He gets my vote, and since I am now the boss, he gets another vote for making enough commotion to stand out from the general noise which is online dating.
ReplyDeleteIn nature, the male species always makes the most noise, is the most colorful, and apparently is always available. It's spring. All that noise you hear (chirps, tweets, etc) - all male. The interesting part is this approach has been refined for millions of years. You're going to question millions of years of tweaking? Even I do not have cojones that big.
Anyway, females are allowed to be coy if they want. It's mainly to not get clipped for a bigger somebodies lunch. For while sex is hot, death is a serious buzz kill.
So why would it be any different in humans? Males need to be available, even if it is for a one handed text in Kinkos (err Fedex office). My thought is the coy rules only really apply to females. Keeping in mind if both sexes decide to play hard to get then nobody gets laid and the very concept of human might become extinct. Alright, I got a little carried away at the end there but you get the idea.
Is he psycho? Your guess is as good as mine. So it goes without saying that you should always CYA. However, in doing so, you might as well give him a shot.
Alright, so I did email him back to give him his one chance (as was suggested by several of you). I told him that this week was bad (which it is - the whole 2 dates + 2 nights of yoga kind of wipes me out) and that we should be in touch about next week. See? I'm TRYING!!!!
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