We've previously discussed Mr. Thought-He-May-Be-Gay-But-Really-He-Just-Has-A-Girlfriend and how, after a 10 year hiatus, we are apparently BFFs and constantly texting / emailing / running together, etc. However, it all came to a head in the last few days and I realized that (1) he DOES have a gf; (2) he's being incredibly shady by not ever mentioning her despite the fact that we talk pretty much every day at least 2 - 3 times and (3) he has some SERIOUS co-dependency issues. Case in point....
There's a certain neediness and whiny-ness that I've detected lately. Apparently, despite declaring to me the other day that the fact that we live in two different boroughs makes me "geographically undesirable" (no joke), he can't do anything without me when he's within a 5 block range of me. I receive many, many texts telling me he is "thirsty" and that I should meet him to "get coffee at Starbucks" (we work 3 blocks apart), and since getting out of my odd work environment is often my #1 priority, I do meet him pretty regularly. During these little coffee breaks, I am often required to go to the drugstore with him and buy baby powder so his "balls don't sweat while running" as well as "wait with [him] for [his] lunch to be ready" at the deli b/c he doesn't like "waiting all alone." Hmmm. Warning signs, hello?! Compulsive texting, emailing and calling, and wanting to spend a LOT of time with me, but yet he HAS A GIRLFRIEND. This was topped off by a *priceless* performance after a big race we ran last weekend, when a bunch of us were hanging out in the crowd trying to find our friends and get our plans together. At which point, this conversation ensues:
Him: (insert whiny voice) Just walk me to the subway - can you help me find the subway.
Me: We are going to walk on the beach a bit then head back, so we're not walking towards the subway.
Him: Well can't you just walk with me there and then go to the beach????
Me: No, you can either hang out with us on the beach then take the train with us, or walk there yourself.
Him: I don't have tiiiime to hang on the beach. Just walk me to the traiiiiiiin!
Me: Not. An. Option.
My friend actually had to walk away during this exchange to avoid throwing his whiny a** in the ocean. He finally managed to get himself the entire 3 blocks to the subway all alone - I'm SO proud of him. He spend the rest of the weekend checking in to places on Foursquare with his girlfriend, and then began texting me last night about his yoga classes. I chose to not respond. Unfortunately for me, I would cut this one loose except (1) he really IS a great running partner; (2) I do happen to find him ridiculously attractive and (3) although it's been 10 years since the last time, I would absolutely bang him again for reasons that are a little too crass for this blog :)
As my friend put it, he doesn't need a girlfriend, he needs a mommy. Ugh. I am SO not going there, at least!
5.24.2010
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ReplyDeleteThe fact that he is adorable and needy makes him the perfect pet. Think of a puppy and how happy they make you bc they're adorable and fill some very important human needs. And then think of how freaking annoying they are when they won't stop crying and yelping when you try to leave them alone. Then imagine them being that way forever and never growing up into a trained, independent dog who can take care of your needs over his and begins to need lots of other puppies around him when you're not available.
ReplyDeleteBe glad you get to play with someone elses puppy and not have to pick up his shit every day.
Still gay. I don't care how many "girlfriends" he has.
ReplyDeleteA gay puppy?
ReplyDelete