You ever have that feeling when you've spent hours upon hours searching for something online, and you've been clicking through the pages so quickly that it makes you feel dizzy and like you're going to throw up on the computer? (this is particularly relevant to my lawyer friends who have done online research, but I'm sure it applies overall). Well, yeah, that's how online dating is starting to make me feel. Except it's EVERY time I open a new page on a dating website. And it doesn't matter how fast I click through.
This project has been going on for at least 6 months now, and honestly, I'm trying to take stock and see if I've learned anything. I put the Sex Ban in place, then I broke it on a guy who was technically grandfathered in, but in actuality was pretty much the kind of guy I put the ban in place to avoid - namely someone I wanted to date, who apparently had "different" aspirations (dating? but we didn't do that when we were in college....why do we have to do that now?!). I've tried to be open minded, but honestly I keep dating the same guy over and over. There are moments when I'll be sitting there having a conversation and I'm like, wait a second, didn't we go through your issues about this already? ...only to realize that nope, that was a different guy, a month ago, on a different couch at 3 am. Oops. I can NOT date (1) another artist / designer who "freelances"; (2) another guy that's just "waiting for the band to take off....we're gonna be huge!" or (3) another one just out of a serious / long-term / more than one month relationship but is, for some reason, convinced that they are ready to move on and want to hang out until the crucial "are we dating" conversation happens, and suddenly they pull a Houdini.
I've now encounterd guys I've dated / slept with randomly / known since high school / met on a subway once, etc all over the interweb of dating. I feel like I've reached the end of the internet dating universe, only to come out on the other side dating the same damn d-bag. One of the perks of this project is that at least I am being realistic about this process, and am moving on a lot faster to the next d-bag rather than waiting and waiting for one guy to "be ready to date" (FN: if anyone who knows me in real life EVER hears me say the phrase "he's just not ready, but I'm going to wait," you may fully push me in front of a subway train. That will be less painful than trynig to date said un-ready guy). But, I'm thinking that there's got to be a better way to do this rather than playing internet dating roulette. I've tried set-ups, I've tried friends-of-friends, but sadly, no dice. So, I did what any other normal person would do. I went crying to my boss, obviously. Who gave me the same advice that many friends and family members have - you should try to meet people while you're doing activities you like to do, then you will have common interests. Ummm, right. I do yoga. Not exactly the hotbed of dating promise I would hope (although the flexibility aspect is quite nice...). I go to a decent amount of concerts / shows, which sounds like a great way to meet people with similar music taste & interests, however in practice, if I've paid $X for a show, I want to SEE THE SHOW and not deal with my usual dating drama.
So, my 4 loyal readers, suggestions? Cos I'm running out of ideas here, but we must keep the project going strong, dammit!
9.23.2010
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8 at 8. I was where you are right now and it was the only thing that worked. It is super competitive for ladies but since we are kind of a poster couple for the organization I can try and make a call. Let me know, you do have a b-day coming up.
ReplyDeletehaha - thanks! I think I'm taking a bit of a hiatus from the "organized dating" for now, but I do appreciate the offer :)
ReplyDeleteFriday. Tribeca Tavern. It's a jackpot, seriously ;)
ReplyDeleteReally though, I've got nothing other than the standard "do stuff you enjoy" (yoga! running-ish! drink with me and no Belgian bartenders!)and that whole "it will happen when you least expect it!" philosophy. Even though that's bullshit, because I never expect it and I'm doing just fantastically in that department, right? :)
There is such a thing as trying too hard. Which I think drives the urban myth of "it will happen when you least expect it" more than anything else. Commenting on the next post of wearing pajamas - that is some hot stuff. She was smokin' hot and did not even know it - which for those just reading way up in the cheap seats is even hotter. You do need to make it happen, but unfortunately it will need to be in a coy "you mean this old thing? I just had it laying around" type of way.
ReplyDeleteTo the host - wow a three-fer comment from me on one post.
ReplyDeleteOnline dating, or any singles cocktail hour counts as "Organized Dating". Random would be to jump the next shag-able fella who appears single-ish. Starbucks, Subway, whatever.
The only difference with my "organized dating" is that it is professionally run.