The Sex Project

This blog began as a "dating project," in which I attempted to provide a rule-based environment for dating as a reaction to spending many months / years dating rather poorly (jerks; commitment-phobes; guys who roll over cabs while drunk, etc).  However, I realized at some point that in addition to the dating project, which, quite honestly, flamed out a bit when I met people I actually liked, there was one point lacking - mainly, the sex project.  That portion of the aspect of dating didn't have rules, other than not banging him on the first date.  I guess I didn't really think about that aspect much - if I'm banging them, I'm banging them, and that's about it.

After about 7 - 8 months of this, I learned a few things.  Namely, even if I date "by the book," it's not guaranteed to work out, and even if they fail to follow the proper time line / call at the right time / send smoke signals to contact me from the subway train when they have no cell service and are running 10 min late, it doesn't really matter if I've decided to continually bang them despite these ESSENTIAL dating failures.  So, about a month or so ago, I decided to embark upon phase 2 of the "dating project" - the complete sex ban.
Now, I'm not a crazy person (and no one needs me to TMI this out THAT much), but the sex ban basically encompasses actual "hit a home run" sex, and still allows our lucky contenders to have a trip around the bases after a bit of time.  The results have been *quite* interesting to say the least.  In the first instance, we have Guy #1, who I have been "dating" (yes, quotes) on and off since about June.  Of course, he's not over his ex.  Of course, he's not ready for a relationship.  This IS my life after all.  Now, despite the fact that we have had sex in the past, I show up at his place late one night after we had failed to get together for a couple of weeks and I honestly thought that ship had sailed.  Around 1 am I proceed to announce that the sex ban is in effect.  That night, I think he was more (1) shocked (2) confused and (3) worried if I had an STD than anything else.  However, once the ban took effect, we've been hanging out a lot more.  In-ter-est-ing.  My theory is that the lack of sex took the pressure off of him to be "in a relationship" with me, and now we can just hang out as friends with benefits.  Or he thinks I'm nuts and is hoping to be on my good side in the event of the zombie apocalypse.  However, I'm doubtful that this one will ever progress past the "dating in quotes" stage, and each passing day pretty much reinforces that.

The sex ban is taking potential bangable friends out of the running, and (could it be?!) actually causing me to develop actual friendships with people that have penises rather than just finding someplace to stick it.  (sorry , that was vulgar, I agree).  Take Guy #2, a friend I'd definitely at least consider dating if HE wasn't another broken, just out of a relationship, commitment-phobic typical guy that I find myself involved with.  But he's awesome, I definitely enjoy hanging out with him, and the sex ban has put a whole new dynamic on our relationship.  Since he's a friend, he is well aware of the ban.  But, on the flipside, we've been hanging out more than before and getting to know each other at least.  Potential?  Maybe.  But at least I'm looking before I leap, and I'm not leaping in the air and conveniently landing on his man-piece.  (Man, this one is a lot cruder than usual).

Then there's always my SOAFBNRFB.  I thought long and hard (pun intended) about whether he was cut off as well.  And I decided that he is grandfathered in - I mean, you need exceptions in order to have the rules survive, right?  But, conveniently, due to his super-busy new job and my super-busy social life, we actually haven't managed to get together since our little getaway back in the beginning of the summer.  We tried a few half-hearted 1 am texts of the "where are you, want to meet up" variety, but honestly neither of us was digging it at that particular time.  However, we're definitely on for the future, whenever we're both in that mindset again.  Which just proves my point - a SOAFBNRFB is pretty much the best thing ever. 

Now, the sex ban is approaching its shelf life end date, so to speak, as my birthday (the end date) is now a few weeks away.  I'm kinda digging the sex ban.  It's pretty empowering, and saves a lot of drama-time.  But also, I've been really only putting it in to action with one person (Guy #1) and have simply used it in other cases to avoid a one-night stand here and there.  And honestly, Guy # 1 is another DATING FAIL, and he's the only one that would benefit from lifting the ban now anyway.  So I'm keeping it in my pants.  Or out of my pants.  Or I'm having nothing to do with pants.  Ugh, I'm tired.