JDate Hate Hate Hate!!!

I try to be serious.  I try to find nice, normal guys with functioning brains, work ethics and bank accounts, who want to properly "date" me and not just sleep with me at the first sign of interest or hang out with me at 3 am when it's convenient for them.  I try to be mature and responsible.  I know that I have to use JDate or eharmony for this (and not my personal fave, OKCupid), but I hate hate hate it!  However, every few months I give it another go.  And frankly, every time I do this, I end up on another craptastic date.

Last night's JDate victim was actually pretty funny over the phone (when he CALLED pre-date to set up the date - bonus points for complying with the Rules).  I got over the completely awful Long Island accent after the first 10 minutes or so, and forgave the fact that he was a lawyer because he seemed normal.  (Side Note - apparently I need to stop myself from dating (1) unemployed graphic designers (2) guys in bands (3) commitment phobes and (4) effing LAWYERS.  Jeez).  Date was set for 8 pm at a bar near his apartment / my work, which I had been to before and approved as an appropriate first date spot.  Captain JDate texts me at 1:30 pm to confirm we are still on track for 8 pm, with an amusing text.  Points, again.  He's "virtually" amusing.  It's getting pathetic that this is what I look for in men by now, but if they can't do THAT much, then WTF, they are hopeless!  At 7:30 pm, another text, asking if we can meet at 8:30 instead because he got stuck at work.  Okay, I understand, the lawyering sometimes rears its ugly head.  At least he gave me advance warning.  So, 8:30 comes, game on.

From the first minute I knew I was going to have to "try" if I wanted to be interested in this guy, and I know that's the kiss of death for a date.  He was cute-ish and did look like his pictures (thank goodness), but there are some people that just photograph better than they look in person.  The LI accent & whiny voice were less tolerable in a noisy bar.  Plus, he had small hands.  Yes, you know what I mean.  Girl hands.  Kinda creeped me out, honestly.  He also smelled like some sort of floral girly body lotion that I think my grandma keeps giving me in holiday package sets.  And he kept touching my arm in a "punctuate my comments" kind of way, which made me feel like he was either trying to score a point in a chess game or get my attention like you do with a small child.  We made polite conversation through a beer or so, but I knew it was all going downhill when he displayed a creepy amount of interest in finding out exactly what / where my tattoos were and then proceeded to tell me that when I'm 50 I'm going to regret having them.  (**My JDate profile does say that I have 3 tattoos, as I've noticed that many Jewish guys consider this a deal-breaker, so why bother, you know?)  I showed him the one visible one I have on my wrist, and despite how many times I explained to him that it was written in Hebrew and therefore did not say anything in English, he proceeded to fixate on it resembling an English word and then telling me that I should add other letters to it so that it kept spelling out different words.  And would not let it go when I told him that this was one of my pet peeves, and I didn't find it funny.  And then told me AGAIN that I would regret all of them when I was 50.

He followed up this awesome exchange by then telling me about how he was on a date with an "absolutely awful" girl a few months ago and by "accident" he texted his friend after leaving the date and told his friend in the text that "girl was awful, coming downtown to meet you."  Except, of course, he sent it to the girl instead of the friend.  Who texted him back the next day and called him a d-bag.  Good for her.  He didn't get why this was hilarious to me, and why it was "so bad" to send that text.  After a long and boring conversation about his job, about how everyone at work thinks he's awesome and how he's single by choice and not because of any other reasons (ahem, yeah right), I finally finished my (ONE) beer, stood up and said "okay, I have to go now."  He half-assedly walked me in the direction of the subway, but then started crossing the street and pointed the other way saying "you need to walk that way."  This one was a WINNER!  The best part of the evening (aside from the pre-game wine of course), was the fact that I had a 30 min subway ride home to read my book.  And then I went home and proceeded to have an entire conversation over instant messenger with my latest unemployed freelance graphic designer, who volunteered to find this guy who made me cry (yes, yes he did, stupid making fun of me hit a nerve) and break his kneecaps.  And you wonder why I can't functionally date "responsible" guys.  Because they're just NOT NICE!  All in all, an interesting evening.  And with that, I go on JDate hiatus for another 6 months.